It’s been exactly one week and two days since the Fourth Of July, nothing huge.  As per my previous blog, I had a get together for the Fourth, it was just actually on the third, so my plans for the actual Fourth of July were nothing major.  My best friend and I decided we were going to go to the movies though, and we got our movie time wrong, so we ended up at Show Me’s to eat and have a few brewskis.  Low and behold, the night was far from over.  What started out as just a couple beers before our movie, turned into an all-nighter slamming back beers when an “old friend” showed up.  Long story short, we finally left the bar and the three of us went back to my house to hang out longer and drink a little more.  I had no idea at that very moment, that it would go the way it has.  To avoid going into  details and expressing feelings, or making this blog all about her (as she already has one devoted to her), we’ll just say things have been well…and the feelings I used to have are definitely reincarnated.  The biggest thing I have to worry about is not screwing it up.


On a separate note, I am taking an official vacation next week, the kids and I are going to Panama City, FL to visit their grandparents.  Going all out, renting a car and the whole shebang.  Should be nice just to escape the throws of reality for a few days, nothing major, I’ll only be gone about three days, four tops.  It’s been a long time since I have taken a road trip by myself, and myself I mean me being the only person driving, and now I am toting two kids with me.  It will definitely be an interest trip, that’s for sure.  Especially since I have never made a road trip that far by myself, and any time I have been to Florida I have been with people that knew where they were going.  Bring it on, I’m up for another adventure.  If you don’t see another blog from me again, it means I took a wrong turn somewhere, the kids have been sold into slave labor, I am turning tricks on a corner, and all hell has broken loose.  panama-city1.jpg

I choose not to speak about certain things, especially on the internet, but I have to rant, just once.  This whole “Black Lives Matter”, “White Lives Matter”, “Blue Lives Matter” thing has just gotten completely out of control.  Slavery has been abolished for decades, racism was a thing of the past, and now this is all coming back.  From what?  Some racist cops killed some black men, with or without justification, it’s not my place to say.  I just think this is been completely blown out of proportion, and some fascists are taking it waylives matter too far.  How about “All Lives Matter”, I mean really, let’s be honest here.  If you aren’t being a part of the solution, then you are just becoming a part of the problem.  The solution definitely is not to shoot someone else because they believe in something else, or they are of a different race, or sex, or what have you.  Where is the justification there?  I’m a white guy, if I went and shot an Asian guy because he shot and killed my cousins black girlfriend, does that give a completely different Asian guy to go shoot a white guy or a black guy?  No, absolutely not.  Shoot an Indian, shoot a Mexican, shoot a Jew, shoot a German, I’ll tell you what, the streets will run red.  And do you know why?  Because our blood is all the same color, it shows no race.  If you want to shoot and kill anybody, join the damn army, at least then you’ll be shooting the people who have put targets on not just you or your family, but your entire country.  I’m a firm believer that to save money on recruiting troops, and to save money on prisons and jails, people that are given a life sentence, or just a large sentence in general, or has committed a horrible crime should be sent to be on the front line of our army.  A guy goes and rapes and kills a young woman, or several, you really want to stick him in prison to sit there…alive?  Hell no.  Stick that guy right there on the front lines.  Force him to defend his country, make him do it against his will, just like he did to someone else.  Of course, leave it open for people to still join the army at will, just make it a little separate.  Maybe the crooks and criminals are treated differently, stuck in a different bunker, have to sleep with chains, something.  Moving on…just stop.jpg

I ramble a lot, especially when things get me fired up, so shut up.  If you are reading this, you have found something interesting in a previous blog and wanted to come back, or you know me and just enjoy torturing yourself with my words.  I just find certain things hard to believe, and obviously am not in a place of power to make any significant changes.  Like politics, I avoid discussing that like that plague.  I am not well-informed enough to pass any judgment, but I will say this.  We’re basically fucked.  Pardon my French, but we are.  I am about convinced to do a write in, and just vote for Vanilla Ice, at least if there’s a problem, he’ll solve it.  It’s insane that either of our main two candidates have even made it this far, it’s like someone said “Hey, let’s give America a real life “reality show”, we’ll call it ‘Life As You Know It’, and they are the cast!”.  We are being forced to choose between the lesser of two evils, and I, for one, am at a complete loss.  I will not bash either candidate for what I see wrong in them, not here, not now, but I do not like either, for various reasons.  And I am comfortable enough with saying Bernie should run Independent just so I can make the right decision, even if he was not elected.

ice pres

Furthermore, my hands are starting to cramp.  That’s what happens when you just let your fingers go and don’t really plan on what you are going to say, you just let it happen naturally.  You rant, you rave, you grab the mic and get up on a soapbox, and you have at it.  As most of my blogs are, I do not go in with a specific idea on what I want to write about, it just comes to me.   Yes, I do sometimes censor myself and hold back from talking about specific things, people, or ideas; other times it kind of just happens.  Such is the life of a “washed-up, has been” writer.  One thing that does get rather annoying though, being told how I feel or what kind of mood I am in.  I’m not a depressed person, I’m not sad, I’m not mad, I’m not stressed, and I am certainly not upset.  Right now, I am at peace.  Being at peace, for me, is the lack of other emotions that jeopardize my well-being or those around me.  Right now, I am good, as I have been for awhile now.  I’m not a ticking time bomb, I’m not ready to cry, and I’m not going to punch someone in the face or crawl into a hole and hide.   I am right here, in the open, for the world to see.  So look at me world, what is it that you see right now?


I can tell you what I see when I look in the mirror, past my boyish charm and rugged good looks (haha).   I see someone who is struggling with inner conflict, but not upset by it, someone who has taken their falls and picked themselves up again.  Someone who knows exactly what it is that they want, and is just biding their time to choose wisely as to avoid mistakes.  I see someone who wants to make things right, and do things right by the people he has wronged before.  I see someone who has a huge heart, that is willing to do anything to make someone smile, or laugh, or just acknowledge the fact that they are better than they see themselves.  Someone that will be there, by your side, to ensure that you are happy with where you are in your life, that puts another persons well-being ahead of their own.  I see someone that will put the health, love, and comfort of a loved one above all else…someone that knows exactly what kind of love they deserve, and that they are finally comfortable enough to express that emotion with the one person they truly love.  I see someone, that is going to pull out all of the stops to not give up on the one he loves, to fight for her, to prove that he is completely worth the wait that they have both endured, to make sure that she always keeps her head up and smiles because her smile is way too pretty to not share with the world.  I see someone who is going to end this blog with telling everyone that this is his adventure, followed by the question…what’s yours?

wont give up